Wild Slayer
by KatBlue
Summary: Revision of Life Serial episode. When Buffy gets drunk she goes a little wild. This story is not to be taken seriously except for the Xander and Buffy parts. :P LOL! Warning will cause laughter, I hope.


Wild Slayer.

Revision of the Life Serial episode. When Buffy gets drunk she goes a little wild. This story is not to be taken seriously, except for the Xander and Buffy part. :P LOL!

"This is gonna be great," says Buffy as she's holding up a shot-glass full of liquor. She pours the shot down her throat, swallows it, and makes a horrible face. "Blaaah!" Then shakes her head. Buffy and Spike are sitting on a coffin in Spike's crypt. Spike lifts his own shot-glass to his mouth and slams it down. "Life is stupid."

"I have a dim memory of that, yeah," says Spike as he puts his glass down. "And I didn't figure you were here cadging my whiskey 'cause life's all full of blood and peaches."

"No. There's this thing ... someone's doing stuff to me. Messing up my life. Except that it was kind of pre-messed already. You know, with school, and jobs ... pretty bad even without the evil."

"So you, uh, just what? Gonna let this whoever play you till it figures out what kills you?" Buffy shrugs, puts down her glass.

"Giles is working on it." Spike laughs.

"Oh, good, 'cause Giles wields the mighty force of library books."

"You'd do better?"

"Damn right! I'd hit the demon world." Buffy has Spike's whiskey flask in her hand. She begins refilling the two glasses as Spike brings one leg over the coffin, so he's straddling it.

"Ask questions, throw punches, find out what's in the air. Hmm? It's fun, too."

"It's not my kind of fun." Buffy slurs her words this time and then she screws the cap back onto the flask.

"Yeah. It is." Buffy looks at him.

"And your life's gonna get a lot less confusing when you figure that out."

"You have had so too much to drink at this point, I am cuttin' you off." They both have emptied their glasses again. Buffy again makes her alcohol face.

"Blaaah!" Buffy shakes her head again. Spike watches this with a smile.

"You're not a schoolgirl. You're not a shop girl." Buffy pours from the flask into her glass again, emptying the flask. "You're a creature of the darkness. Like me." Buffy looks at him. "Try on my world. See how good it feels."

"Can I try on your duster?" Spike rolls his eyes and glares at her. Buffy laughs and hiccups twice in a row. "You're right. I'm going to do things my way and I'm going to find this demon and kick his ass. That's right." Buffy gets up and grabs her jacket. "Thanks, Spike." Buffy goes over to Spike, who is still straddling the coffin. She straddles the coffin, too and moves real close to Spike. He starts to get a little nervous as her lips get close to his.

"Buffy?"

"I'm going to go now." Buffy gets off the coffin and leaves Spike hanging.

Buffy heads out of the cemetery and heads over to the magic shop. It's pretty late, but Buffy knew that Giles would still be there getting everything set for the next day. The little bell rings at the top of the door as she enters the shop. Giles rises up and sees Buffy.

"Buffy, what are you doing here?" asks Giles.

"I'm trying to find out what demon is messing with me," says Buffy. "Since you won't."

"Buffy, I…"

"I don't want to hear it, Giles." Buffy stumbles over a chair and almost falls to the floor. She catches herself and straightens out. "Where are the books?" Giles looks at her strangely as he points to a shelf next to her. "Oh, thanks." Buffy grabs a book and starts to look up stuff. She rubs her temples a second later.

"Why are these words swerving? Stop it!" Buffy gets up and throws the book across the room. The book almost hits Giles. He gets a little upset that she almost tried to behead him with a book and walks over to her. Giles smells the whiskey on her.

"Buffy, were you drinking?" Buffy turns to him. She puts her hand over her mouth.

"So, you're assuming that I drown myself in alcohol? Wanna check it out. Here!" Buffy pulls Giles close to her and kisses him on the lips. When she pulls away, she licks her lips. "Wow, that wasn't half bad." Giles stumbles with his footing. "Sorry about the book, bye." Buffy makes her way to the exit.

Giles licks his lips and tastes a little of the whiskey Buffy had in her mouth.

"Hmm, it's not bad," says Giles to himself.

Buffy then heads to Xander's place. He looks like he was on his way out and opens the door, when Buffy is about to knock on it. So, she kind of knocks on Xander's chest.

"Buffy, what are you…" says Xander. He grabs her hand and then smells the whiskey on her. He knows, thanks to his dad. Xander brings her inside his apartment and sits her down. "Buffy, I'm sorry I fired you, but you didn't have to go get drunk because you couldn't handle pretty simple jobs. Well, there were the hallucinations, but come on, Buffy, you are better than this."

"Xander, I'm not drunk," says Buffy with a very happy face.

"Yes, you are. Come on, you need to rest and let it pass." Xander pulls her up and helps her over to his bedroom. He places her on his bed and puts a blanket over her.

"Oh, Xander, you are such a nice guy." Buffy grabs him and Xander falls on top of her.

"Whoa, Buffy."

"I love you, Xander."

"Ah, right, back at you, Buff." She pulls him closer to her. Buffy rubs Xander's back and goes all the way down to his butt. "Whoa, Buffy. Hands in new places."

"Come on, Xander. I really don't feel good and you owe me. You did fire me. I was only protecting your men."

"Well, I said I'm sorry."

"It's not enough, Xander." Buffy pulls Xander's head down to hers and kisses him passionately on the lips. Xander's eyes are wide open and are in disbelief that this is actually happening. He tries to pull away, but Buffy is much too strong for him. (yeah right. He didn't attempt much at the pulling away stuff. He wants some Buffy action.) The two roll over on the bed and Buffy is now on top of Xander. She starts unbuckling his pants.

"Buffy, what are…I think you're a little drunk and we shouldn't be doing this." Buffy looks at him with a grin.

"Xander, you mean like this?" Buffy takes off her pin from her hair and pulls off her shirt. Xander's eyes widen at the sight. Buffy goes down and starts to lick his tummy. She begins to lift his shirt up. "Oh, Buffy, come on. Hey, that tickles."

About a half an hour later, Buffy opens her eyes and she sees everything really blurry. She tries to get up, but she falls off the bed. The thump doesn't wake Xander because Buffy tired him out and she was kind of tired too. Buffy gets up and puts her skirt and shirt back on and then heads for the door.

A couple minutes later, Xander wakes up to his cell phone ring. He grabs it and it's Willow. They were supposed to meet somewhere.

"Sorry," says Xander.

"Have you seen Buffy?" asks Willow. Xander looks around his room and peeks over to the rest of his apartment.

"Nope."

"Oh. Well, see you tomorrow."

"Okay." Xander hangs up and suddenly finds Buffy's panties and bra on his bed.

Buffy heads out on the streets again. She heads to Willy's bar for some more drinking and some demon bashing. She finds Spike there coming out with a basket of kittens.

"Spike?" says Buffy. To her the room seems to be spinning. "What are you doing here?"

"Huh, having me a good time," replies Spike.

"Oh, look at the cute kitties. Where did you get them?"

"Poker. Let's go some place else, luv."

"But I haven't gotten my drink yet." Spike pulls her out of the bar, with the basket of kittens. "I wanted to beat some demons and, and…"

"What's wrong, luv?"

"What's wrong! You were gonna help me! You, you were gonna beat heads and, and, and fix my life! But you're completely lame!"

"Have you've gone off your…"

"Tonight sucks! And, and look at me! Look at, look at stupid Buffy! Too dumb for college, and, and, and freak Buffy, too strong for construction work. And, and my job at the magic shop? I was bored to tears even before the hour that wouldn't end! And the only person I can even stand to be around is a ... neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker."

"I do not cheat, always."

"Also? I think you're drunk."

"I'm drunk. Get a load of this from the very sober Slayer."

"Well, you are." Buffy grabs the basket of kittens from him. He fights back to get it away from her grasp. "Give it to me."

"No, let it go."

"Spike!" They then drop the basket and the kitties run away.

"Ah, man, look what you did."

"Go kitties. Be free." Then Buffy sees a familiar van behind Spike. "That van."

"What now?"

"I've seen it before. It was at the construction site and at the magic shop." Buffy walks over to it and then from behind it, a demon comes out.

"You've discovered me," says the demon. "I've been testing you being…" Buffy pushes the demon onto the van, shaking the other two guys inside. She then kicks him in the groin and it falls on the floor.

"There, that's what you get," says Buffy. She then almost falls backwards, but Spike catches her. "Thanks."

"I've been beaten," says the demon in extreme pain. "I shall open the portal to my dimension and meet my demise." A bright light, and a lot of smoke can be seen as the demon disappears.

"Wow, that was easy," says Buffy. "I showed him."

"Way to go," says Spike not very enthusiastic.

"Yeah." Buffy then feels something really bad in her stomach. "I don't feel so well."

"You okay?" Spike goes over to her as she leans down.

"I feel sick." Buffy then throws up on Spike's shoes.

"Ah, bullocks. Not my only shoes." Spike holds Buffy up as he helps her walk back to her house. He heads over to the swing on her porch and puts her down and then takes off his very sticky shoes. "The things I do for you, Slayer." He hoses them down a bit and puts them back on.

The front door is open and Spike walks in. Buffy is totally out of it and he decides to pick her up as he closes the door with his leg. He heads upstairs and takes her to her room. Spike places her down on her bed and takes off her shoes. He covers her with a blanket and heads out of her room.

Spike exits the house at the same time Xander climbs up the steps. Xander is surprised to see Spike there.

"Spike, what are you doing here?" asks Xander.

"Just brought her home," says Spike. "Buffy. She was a little wasted. Don't know where she got the booze. Oh, she found the demon that's been messing with her. Kicked its butt, too."

"How do you know about that?"

"She was babbling about how her life sucks and stuff. I'm already tired of it and she threw up on my shoes." Xander starts to laugh. "That's not funny."

"Sorry, Spike. Well, I'm going to go check on her. Thanks for bringing her home."

"No problem." Xander heads to the door. "Hey, wait a minute." Xander turns around. "How come you weren't rude to me as usual?"

"Guess you're growing on me." Xander enters the house.

"Oh." Spike leaves. Xander heads upstairs to Buffy's room.

"Buffy?" says Xander softly, but it seems she was asleep. He steps inside and pulls out her undergarments from his pocket that she had left earlier at his apartment and puts them in her hamper next to her closet. Xander sighs and heads to the door. Buffy stirs in her bed a little.

"Xander?" says Buffy in a soft spoken voice. Xander stops at the door and turns around. "Did you bring me here?"

"No, Spike did."

"Oh. Did we…"

"Yeah." Buffy touches her head, which has been beating so hard.

"So, I kind of raped you, didn't I?"

"Kind of didn't mind."

"Xander?" He walks over to her bed and sits down. "I know I'm going to remember this tomorrow."

"Maybe, but right now you should rest." Xander kisses Buffy on the forehead.

"Okay." Xander stands up to leave. "Xander?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you stay with me?"

"Sure." Xander takes off his jacket and gets in bed with Buffy. Buffy lays her head on his chest and falls asleep.

The next morning, Dawn goes over to Buffy's room and sees Xander with her. She is surprised and thinks the obvious. She quickly gets Willow and Tara.

"Awww, aren't they cute?" says Willow.

"Why didn't they ever get together?" asks Tara. "Xander is such a nice guy."

"But Buffy is a stubborn girl."

"Do you think they…" asks Dawn.

"Don't know. What's that smell?" Tara and Dawn shrug.


End file.
